The Starting Point

Lets start this year off with how it is:

I am single, I have someone close that I think feels the same way but I am going to enjoy his friendship and not push things at all.  He is worth waiting for ten-fold and is an amazing man that always knows how to make me smile and I love making him smile and taking care of him when he is down.

I am employed at two jobs. Both jobs are very different; One job consists of me talking with customers and trying to make sales while standing around and restocking. The second job consists of me being the middle person between two groups and being the communicator. With the second job I am consistently moving around which is nice but I in turn have to be the firm person and speak up when I need too in order to get the respect I deserve.

I am living with the greatest of friends and as much as I love them to death, I need to live on my own.
I am 26 now and all I have to show for it( on the negative side) is never having lived on my own, not having a degree (which someone people would debate is okay), not going anywhere with life and not having any direction. On a positive note I have a great set of friends which were there for me but as this summer has passed I feel like I have lost most of them and gained new ones that seem to understand me better. It is hard to keep friends when they are all doing so much better in life. Yes; they have fancy degrees, good paying jobs with benefits, a life of their own, and are doing what they love.

If I had to choose the perfect life it would be in Europe. When I went there I was at my calmest happiest state. There were so many things about it that made me want to stay there. When I tried to go back to school I tried taking German classes so I would eventually know both Russian and German and move to Europe. Over there I felt so free and away from drama; I know there will still be drama wherever I go but over there I can start fresh. I can create a new beginning of a better life for myself and try to be what I want.  I always wanted to learn everything and I have been doing that for the past 5yrs. However, something a friend said struck me hard; a friend told me that I had no drive and that I kept jumping from job to job and didn't know what I was doing with life.  What is wring with people if they think having one job is enough. Look at me for example, I know how to make vodka, make cheese, do data entry, do inventory control, work at a comic shop, work with kids, do yard work, work as a live in caregiver, work in the restaurant business, and much much more. Lets see someone else know that much and still want to learn more. I want to learn to do black smithing, I want to create the world and I want to know how to do everything but every time someone puts me straight like that I lose focus on what I truly want.

I am from this day forward doing what I want and when I want it. If I am going to go anywhere in life I am going to have to take charge and try to do what makes me happy! I am going to try my best to see if by doing just arts, I can make a living on it. I want to do my arts and that is all I truly care about. I want to start new and make a life for myself of arts, sculpting, designing, molding and going into running full time with competitions. It is a long road ahead but I will figure out a way to make it work if it takes all the energy out of me.